Jess Ainscough

I'm so sad to hear of the passing of Jess Ainscough today. What a remarkable woman, who devoted herself to life, and in the process changed the lives of so many.

Undoubtedly there will be cruel words about her choices in the light of her death, and to that I say, don't judge. Dont Judge. Seriously, DONT JUDGE.

Why is there an expectation of 'alternative' medicine to fully cure or reverse cancer, yet conventional is deemed successful if a patient survives 5 years. 

No, we don't get to judge a person's choice. That she spread her gospel to thousands, that she supported others who had experienced a diagnosis, and that she lived her life fully awoken, these are all things to celebrate. None of us walked in her shoes. Whatever choices she made, deserve to be respected. We each get to choose which information to follow, which advice to adhere to. It's that simple. We each take responsibility for ourselves.

I'm so grateful to have known this woman, albeit on-line. She was gracious with her time and advice.

Even in death she has taught me something valuable, that it is possible to die in peace, surrounded by love, doing what you believe in. 

Cancer is just a lump - Get Over It!

A few months ago, I took my children to London. It was the usual lovely day out, dodging cancer propaganda. Nothing new about that, but on this particular day I decided to take a photo every time I saw the 'C' word. The pictures piled up quickly; on the back of the public loo door, on the tube, on full colour posters and on the front pages of newspapers and magazines. Cancer, cancer everywhere. The messages shouted, they screamed: let's run for the cure, bake cakes for it, let's fight it, beat it, pity and fear it. But let's not take responsibility for it. 

It's a wonder that anyone ever survives cancer with this much subliminal coaching. We're programmed to believe that we will not heal from cancer, that the best we can do is follow the oncologist's advice, that it's going to be a tough fight, a battle, and if we're brave, we might just live, albeit bald, weak and emaciated. This media manipulation is dangerous. It plants seeds of fear and doubt. 

Those reported to choose a different way of reversing disease are ridiculed. Magazine articles often include a 'disclaimer' (usually written by a doctor) suggesting that this person was 'lucky' or that they experienced a spontaneous remission. 

What if we saw posters which chided "Cancer is just a lump, get over it" or "Take responsibility for your cancer, you can heal"? How would these provocative slogans be received by a public who largely wants to hand over the reins for personal healing? Would these messages invoke hope as an antidote to our current fear based media?

What if we took it step further, and created a campaign which educated about the link between poor nutrition and disease? Would that empower or disempower? And would the sugar manufacturers, let alone the chemo-makers allow it?

I feel proud to be part of a growing voice, a global family who are reversing disease naturally, one day at a time, not (yet) 'proven' through double-blind peer reviewed studies by people who have never had cancer, (but are financially invested), rather by people who have looked their cancer straight in the eye, and made changes. One day I hope that our voice is loud enough to be heard without ridicule or disbelief, and that the many, MANY different strategies we're using become part of an easily accessible protocol for the newly diagnosed, who may understand that they have a choice in how to address their dis-ease.

Dancing with cancer

In the early days of our relationship, my husband and I went to salsa classes. He would complain that I was always trying to lead, that I was too rigid! When I relaxed and trusted, it became so much more fun. 

I see cancer as a dance. One that just got a bit more energetic. For the second year in a row, my Minimal Residual Disease test shows elevated cancer cells. 

The day of the test results I shut down. I was upset. Disappointed. I had tried to sneak back into 'normal' society, pretending that I was done with cancer, that my new happy life meant I could have the occasional glass of wine, eat the kids gluten free bread, order cheese in a restaurant, snack on dark chocolate for a treat. The reality is, that although blissfully contented, cheating with food was never a long-term option. I believe wholeheartedly in epigenetics. I know that I still have circulating cancer stem cells. I understand that should I create a friendly environment for those cells, they will metastasise. 

On day two I got my head down. I read. I went back to basics. What was I doing in the early days after diagnosis that kept my results stable? What did I instinctively feel would heal me?

By day three I had a new protocol. One which focuses on healing my gut (leaky gut being at the core of all auto-immune disease, cancer being one), and on boosting my immune system. Back to vegan. Gluten, grain, potato and legume free. Zero sugar. More green everything. More raw. More sprouted seeds and nuts. The full list of supplements looks like this: medicinal mushrooms, curcumin, ubiquinol, vitamin A, probiotics, enzymes, zinc, magnesium, vitamin D3, B patches, iodine, zeolite, flaxseed oil, bee pollen (the only non-vegan aspect), Angioblock, Artemix, vitamin C, silica, DIM, epsom baths, FIR infrared saunas, liver packs, coffee enemas, wheatgrass implants.

The new protocol is pretty intense. There are pills with food, pills without food, pills with protein. However, I feel great. I feel clear. I feel hopeful and more authentic.

Just Let Go
Let go of how you thought
your life should be
and embrace the life that
is trying to work its way
into your consciousness

Happiness Part 2

It seems that the happier I become, the less inclined I am to blog! I feel more and more removed from cancer with each passing day. In London I seemed to be surrounded by it, but here I barely meet anyone who has had it. And this, I realise is healthy, this letting go and moving forward.

Healing is a process, it's not linear. As much as I've learned over the past few years, this fact never ceases to amaze me! 

I notice that for me, with each new revelation comes a fresh bout of healing, cleansing and detoxification. This only happens when my body can cope with it, when it has reserves, and it's an ongoing process. Aiming for a point where peak health is achieved is not realistic. Every day we're inadvertently adding to our toxic load, and so our bodies will always be in a state of repair. There is a spectrum of 'wellness', and we are all on it! Rising to health challenges as and when they arise, without fear, is ultimately how the body will best heal.

I continue to listen to my body, and alter my protocol accordingly. At the moment I'm focusing on gut health because I'm noticing some histamine reactions to certain foods. I'm taking probiotics, silica, and coconut milk kefir. I'm still drinking green smoothies and juices daily, along with regular coffee enemas.

I've been seeing a chiropractor to realign my spine, and .... I've started exercising. It was bound to happen one day! I finally 'get it'. It feels amazing to move from my busy, thinking head, into my doing body. I have a love affair with the South Downs, and for me there is no better place to walk, march and jog - surrounded by nature, breathing fresh air and totally grounded.

As a wise friend said to me recently, feeling well is the best indication of being well, and I feel amazing!

The beauty of freedom

We're on the cusp of our eldest son returning to school after almost a year of home education. It's his choice, and one which we support, but it's made me reflect on everything we've gained from the past year. 

We've enjoyed nine months of following our body's innate rhythms, getting up late, eating when we feel hungry, and resting when we're tired. A freedom I haven't felt since I was a child.

We've explored the Downs, the beach, the river. We've attended courses in Spanish, Maths and African drumming. We've swum outdoors, taken impromptu holidays, and have just hung out together. We've been to forest school and learned that we are waterproof! We've learned about mutual respect and patience. We've debated and discussed big life concepts, and I feel lucky to have spent time teaching my children how to look after themselves, spiritually, emotionally and nutritionally.

Nine months of not rushing, just BEING. Long days and weeks have stretched before us, the calendar devoid of meetings, school plays or deadlines dictated to us by someone else's schedule. To have time is a luxury, and a necessity. To enjoy time is a privilege.

My children have learned about trust, independence, responsibility and communication. They've formed a family with other home educated children, from babies to teenagers. They've learned how to fit comfortably into different groups and into society. They've blossomed and grown, their confidence and self-esteem has been restored. They feel valued, they know that they have a voice, and that they have choice. 

As for me, I've SEEN my children; what makes them tick, how they learn and their incredible strengths, in ways that I didn't fully appreciate before. I am a calmer Mum for home educating because I've always loathed routines. Winging it suits me better - I'm no longer stressed by trying to make unhappy children happy, because they are happy!

Why am I writing about this on a cancer blog?  For me it's been a massive change in lifestyle which has had a huge impact on healing. Prior to home educating, my children were constantly ill. They averaged 80% attendance on any given school year. Over the past 9 months I don't think that they've been ill once. I'm talking about laying-in-bed ill, throwing-up ill, weeks-of-recuperation ill (which was the norm in London). To what do I attribute this? Getting enough sleep, sure. More time in nature, definitely. But mostly I believe it's down to NO STRESS! No deadlines, no pressure to perform, no anxiety about not feeling Good Enough. And of course, this new lifestyle has benefitted me massively. I no longer have unhappy, ill children, who complain about getting up in the morning and of not having enough 'time' (if they don't have time to pursue their interests aged 11 and 8, when will they?) I've slept more in the past 9 months than I have in years. I've had a perverse amount of time to spend nurturing myself: juicing, cooking, making kefir, and just making happy. I feel joy on a daily basis. I've learned how to BE with my children, how to live as a unit, how to listen and be listened to. We've found a rhythm in being together. And I've started to understand HOW we learn, how we follow our interests. Yes, I've learned as much, if not more, than they have. 

Prior to leaping into this great unknown I felt a sense of urgency, and a need to make some drastic changes. My dis-ease at being in 'the wrong life' was killing me. Many years ago, falling into depression, I wrote a list of things I felt I needed to change. Top of the list was to spend more time in nature and a desire to live within a community of like-minds. I also desperately wanted to home educate my children. 

Here I am, happy, healthy, and living a big life which I manifested through stubborn tenacity. I think it would have been impossible to heal in my old life. Now I feel it's totally achievable, and for the first time in years, I'm making plans :D

Wheatgrass Implants

A title with the word 'rectal' in it is probably not going to gain many fans, but these implants are a fast, efficient way of getting nourishment into the body.

Why implant rectally? Wheatgrass can be difficult to digest, creating feelings of nausea (as well as tasting quite 'unusual'). The haemorrhoidal vein (located just inside the rectum) is able to quickly absorb nutrients, bypassing the high acid content of the gut and allowing maximum absorption.

In Europe pain relief is often given rectally, and historically, patients were given nutrients this way if they were unable to eat or digest.

Wheatgrass and snowpea shoots from Aconbury Sprouts

Wheatgrass makes an ideal implant. It's incredibly detoxifying and alkalising. It's rich in chlorophyll (fantastic for our blood) and high in vitamins C, A and E. It contains over 90 minerals (including potassium, calcium, magnesium and sodium) as well as essential enzymes (protease, lipase and amylase). 

So, how to do it? The key is to start with a water or coffee enema to clear the system! Dilute 1 - 2 oz of wheatgrass juice in a little filtered water. I use an enema bag, but a bulb is better for smaller amounts. Simply lay down (I would recommend using a towel!), make yourself comfortable and insert (coconut oil makes a great lubricant). Unlike enemas, implants are designed to be held for about 20 minutes, or until the contents are assimilated. 

Implant Bulb

I've been buying fortnightly trays of fresh wheatgrass from Aconbury Sprouts, and juicing 1/6th of a tray at a time. If I'm feeling robust I also juice a little extra to drink, mixing with fresh apple and lemon, but I recommend having an apple juice chaser at the ready!!!

The Roger Bannister effect

Imagine if we spent our whole lives hearing "It's easy." But no, we've been conditioned to believe that 'life is tough', 'you have to fight for what you want', 'if it's easy there must be a catch'. 

Unfortunately when it comes to cancer, many of us have deeply ingrained (and negative) word associations. Maybe 'death', or 'suffering', or 'pain'? We have an uncomfortable relationship with the word, and with the disease. We've either succumbed to tabloid headlines, or known someone who has had the disease. We've become so confused about what chemotherapy looks like, that sometimes we forget what cancer looks like. 

But what if it was easy to heal from cancer? What if you replaced the word 'cancer' with 'lump', or something even more benign. What if you learned that many, many people around the world have survived cancer, and continue to thrive? What if we changed our expectations, and so our thought processes?

One of my favourite practitioners, Bob Jacobs, once told me about "The Roger Bannister effect'. No-one believed that it was possible to run a sub four minute mile, until Roger Bannister did exactly that. And then guess what happened? Athletes regularly began running sub-four minute miles, repeatedly breaking his new record.

As soon as I learned that people had overcome far more advanced cancer than mine, I began to believe that survival was possible. On diagnosis, one of the best things you can do is to find someone who has lived a long and healthy life having had your particular cancer. Never underestimate Hope. 

Just prior to having my first Minimal Residual Disease test, I asked my doctor if anyone had ever reduced their circulating cell count to zero. She told me she'd never seen it. Fast forward four years, and one of her patients has done just that. Now we can all believe it is possible, and that is exactly what I'm aiming for.