Dancing with cancer

In the early days of our relationship, my husband and I went to salsa classes. He would complain that I was always trying to lead, that I was too rigid! When I relaxed and trusted, it became so much more fun. 

I see cancer as a dance. One that just got a bit more energetic. For the second year in a row, my Minimal Residual Disease test shows elevated cancer cells. 

The day of the test results I shut down. I was upset. Disappointed. I had tried to sneak back into 'normal' society, pretending that I was done with cancer, that my new happy life meant I could have the occasional glass of wine, eat the kids gluten free bread, order cheese in a restaurant, snack on dark chocolate for a treat. The reality is, that although blissfully contented, cheating with food was never a long-term option. I believe wholeheartedly in epigenetics. I know that I still have circulating cancer stem cells. I understand that should I create a friendly environment for those cells, they will metastasise. 

On day two I got my head down. I read. I went back to basics. What was I doing in the early days after diagnosis that kept my results stable? What did I instinctively feel would heal me?

By day three I had a new protocol. One which focuses on healing my gut (leaky gut being at the core of all auto-immune disease, cancer being one), and on boosting my immune system. Back to vegan. Gluten, grain, potato and legume free. Zero sugar. More green everything. More raw. More sprouted seeds and nuts. The full list of supplements looks like this: medicinal mushrooms, curcumin, ubiquinol, vitamin A, probiotics, enzymes, zinc, magnesium, vitamin D3, B patches, iodine, zeolite, flaxseed oil, bee pollen (the only non-vegan aspect), Angioblock, Artemix, vitamin C, silica, DIM, epsom baths, FIR infrared saunas, liver packs, coffee enemas, wheatgrass implants.

The new protocol is pretty intense. There are pills with food, pills without food, pills with protein. However, I feel great. I feel clear. I feel hopeful and more authentic.

Just Let Go
Let go of how you thought
your life should be
and embrace the life that
is trying to work its way
into your consciousness

Happiness Part 2

It seems that the happier I become, the less inclined I am to blog! I feel more and more removed from cancer with each passing day. In London I seemed to be surrounded by it, but here I barely meet anyone who has had it. And this, I realise is healthy, this letting go and moving forward.

Healing is a process, it's not linear. As much as I've learned over the past few years, this fact never ceases to amaze me! 

I notice that for me, with each new revelation comes a fresh bout of healing, cleansing and detoxification. This only happens when my body can cope with it, when it has reserves, and it's an ongoing process. Aiming for a point where peak health is achieved is not realistic. Every day we're inadvertently adding to our toxic load, and so our bodies will always be in a state of repair. There is a spectrum of 'wellness', and we are all on it! Rising to health challenges as and when they arise, without fear, is ultimately how the body will best heal.

I continue to listen to my body, and alter my protocol accordingly. At the moment I'm focusing on gut health because I'm noticing some histamine reactions to certain foods. I'm taking probiotics, silica, and coconut milk kefir. I'm still drinking green smoothies and juices daily, along with regular coffee enemas.

I've been seeing a chiropractor to realign my spine, and .... I've started exercising. It was bound to happen one day! I finally 'get it'. It feels amazing to move from my busy, thinking head, into my doing body. I have a love affair with the South Downs, and for me there is no better place to walk, march and jog - surrounded by nature, breathing fresh air and totally grounded.

As a wise friend said to me recently, feeling well is the best indication of being well, and I feel amazing!

The beauty of freedom

We're on the cusp of our eldest son returning to school after almost a year of home education. It's his choice, and one which we support, but it's made me reflect on everything we've gained from the past year. 

We've enjoyed nine months of following our body's innate rhythms, getting up late, eating when we feel hungry, and resting when we're tired. A freedom I haven't felt since I was a child.

We've explored the Downs, the beach, the river. We've attended courses in Spanish, Maths and African drumming. We've swum outdoors, taken impromptu holidays, and have just hung out together. We've been to forest school and learned that we are waterproof! We've learned about mutual respect and patience. We've debated and discussed big life concepts, and I feel lucky to have spent time teaching my children how to look after themselves, spiritually, emotionally and nutritionally.

Nine months of not rushing, just BEING. Long days and weeks have stretched before us, the calendar devoid of meetings, school plays or deadlines dictated to us by someone else's schedule. To have time is a luxury, and a necessity. To enjoy time is a privilege.

My children have learned about trust, independence, responsibility and communication. They've formed a family with other home educated children, from babies to teenagers. They've learned how to fit comfortably into different groups and into society. They've blossomed and grown, their confidence and self-esteem has been restored. They feel valued, they know that they have a voice, and that they have choice. 

As for me, I've SEEN my children; what makes them tick, how they learn and their incredible strengths, in ways that I didn't fully appreciate before. I am a calmer Mum for home educating because I've always loathed routines. Winging it suits me better - I'm no longer stressed by trying to make unhappy children happy, because they are happy!

Why am I writing about this on a cancer blog?  For me it's been a massive change in lifestyle which has had a huge impact on healing. Prior to home educating, my children were constantly ill. They averaged 80% attendance on any given school year. Over the past 9 months I don't think that they've been ill once. I'm talking about laying-in-bed ill, throwing-up ill, weeks-of-recuperation ill (which was the norm in London). To what do I attribute this? Getting enough sleep, sure. More time in nature, definitely. But mostly I believe it's down to NO STRESS! No deadlines, no pressure to perform, no anxiety about not feeling Good Enough. And of course, this new lifestyle has benefitted me massively. I no longer have unhappy, ill children, who complain about getting up in the morning and of not having enough 'time' (if they don't have time to pursue their interests aged 11 and 8, when will they?) I've slept more in the past 9 months than I have in years. I've had a perverse amount of time to spend nurturing myself: juicing, cooking, making kefir, and just making happy. I feel joy on a daily basis. I've learned how to BE with my children, how to live as a unit, how to listen and be listened to. We've found a rhythm in being together. And I've started to understand HOW we learn, how we follow our interests. Yes, I've learned as much, if not more, than they have. 

Prior to leaping into this great unknown I felt a sense of urgency, and a need to make some drastic changes. My dis-ease at being in 'the wrong life' was killing me. Many years ago, falling into depression, I wrote a list of things I felt I needed to change. Top of the list was to spend more time in nature and a desire to live within a community of like-minds. I also desperately wanted to home educate my children. 

Here I am, happy, healthy, and living a big life which I manifested through stubborn tenacity. I think it would have been impossible to heal in my old life. Now I feel it's totally achievable, and for the first time in years, I'm making plans :D

Wheatgrass Implants

A title with the word 'rectal' in it is probably not going to gain many fans, but these implants are a fast, efficient way of getting nourishment into the body.

Why implant rectally? Wheatgrass can be difficult to digest, creating feelings of nausea (as well as tasting quite 'unusual'). The haemorrhoidal vein (located just inside the rectum) is able to quickly absorb nutrients, bypassing the high acid content of the gut and allowing maximum absorption.

In Europe pain relief is often given rectally, and historically, patients were given nutrients this way if they were unable to eat or digest.

Wheatgrass and snowpea shoots from Aconbury Sprouts

Wheatgrass makes an ideal implant. It's incredibly detoxifying and alkalising. It's rich in chlorophyll (fantastic for our blood) and high in vitamins C, A and E. It contains over 90 minerals (including potassium, calcium, magnesium and sodium) as well as essential enzymes (protease, lipase and amylase). 

So, how to do it? The key is to start with a water or coffee enema to clear the system! Dilute 1 - 2 oz of wheatgrass juice in a little filtered water. I use an enema bag, but a bulb is better for smaller amounts. Simply lay down (I would recommend using a towel!), make yourself comfortable and insert (coconut oil makes a great lubricant). Unlike enemas, implants are designed to be held for about 20 minutes, or until the contents are assimilated. 

Implant Bulb

I've been buying fortnightly trays of fresh wheatgrass from Aconbury Sprouts, and juicing 1/6th of a tray at a time. If I'm feeling robust I also juice a little extra to drink, mixing with fresh apple and lemon, but I recommend having an apple juice chaser at the ready!!!

The Roger Bannister effect

Imagine if we spent our whole lives hearing "It's easy." But no, we've been conditioned to believe that 'life is tough', 'you have to fight for what you want', 'if it's easy there must be a catch'. 

Unfortunately when it comes to cancer, many of us have deeply ingrained (and negative) word associations. Maybe 'death', or 'suffering', or 'pain'? We have an uncomfortable relationship with the word, and with the disease. We've either succumbed to tabloid headlines, or known someone who has had the disease. We've become so confused about what chemotherapy looks like, that sometimes we forget what cancer looks like. 

But what if it was easy to heal from cancer? What if you replaced the word 'cancer' with 'lump', or something even more benign. What if you learned that many, many people around the world have survived cancer, and continue to thrive? What if we changed our expectations, and so our thought processes?

One of my favourite practitioners, Bob Jacobs, once told me about "The Roger Bannister effect'. No-one believed that it was possible to run a sub four minute mile, until Roger Bannister did exactly that. And then guess what happened? Athletes regularly began running sub-four minute miles, repeatedly breaking his new record.

As soon as I learned that people had overcome far more advanced cancer than mine, I began to believe that survival was possible. On diagnosis, one of the best things you can do is to find someone who has lived a long and healthy life having had your particular cancer. Never underestimate Hope. 

Just prior to having my first Minimal Residual Disease test, I asked my doctor if anyone had ever reduced their circulating cell count to zero. She told me she'd never seen it. Fast forward four years, and one of her patients has done just that. Now we can all believe it is possible, and that is exactly what I'm aiming for.

Brian Clement

I recently went to hear Brian Clement speak in London. If you've never heard of him, he's worth a google - this is the man who runs the Hippocrates Health Centre in Florida. Founded by Ann Wigmore in 1961, Hippocrates premise is that disease can be reversed by eating a living (raw), vegan diet. Sprouted grains and wheatgrass (in the form of juice and implants) feature heavily. Other holistic modalities like FIR infrared saunas and psychotherapy are also employed.

The first glorious positive of this seminar was the catering. To be greeted by a raw, vegan, gluten free buffet with fresh young coconuts to drink, was frankly unusual and inspiring. Rarely are these seminars coherent in their message when it comes to food (at a Brandon Bays seminar I attended, we were given Tomato Cuppa-soup in the break....!)

I must admit to finding Brian somewhat preachy. However, his message is powerful, and I'm with him all the way. Considering how many thousands of people he has seen heal in this way, it's maybe unsurprising that he's firm in his delivery.

Hippocrates believes that to reverse disease we must consume only raw, living foods. Cooking at high heat alters the chemistry of food, making it less easily absorbed and creating carcinogenic acrylamide. I have to say, that living in a country like England, which is often damp, and rarely warm for long periods, eating 100% raw would be a real challenge, and almost every nutritionist I have ever met agrees that in the cooler seasons we should eat warming, comforting food. However, incorporating raw in the form of daily salads, sprouted foods and vegetable juice makes a lot of sense. Giving up mucous forming food like dairy, and meat is also a must when reversing diseases like cancer.

These are Hippocrates' recommendations for returning to health (in this order);

1. Affirmative thought

2. Constructive diet

3. Productive movement

4. Pristine environment

5. Emo-spirit (emotional/spiritual)

All five points need to be addressed, but it's interesting, particularly with Bruce Lipton's seminar so clearly in my mind, that affirmative thought comes in at the top of the list.

Hippocrates is vehemently anti sugar, even in the form of carrots and 'foodie' sugars like palm, agave etc. The University of San Francisco states that "Sugar contributes to more that 3.5 million deaths globally each year." All disease is metabolic, so it's easy to see that the meteoric global rise in sugar consumption has a huge effect on our health. Harvard Medical School states that the average person derives between 40% - 70% of their calorific intake from sugar. Historically only the aristocracy ate fruit, and even then only about 1kg a year. Now the poorest amongst us eat the most sugar, and most of that is processed. Children in the western world consume DOUBLE their body weight in sugar annually. A recent report in the UK states that 26,000 children had one or more rotten baby teeth surgically removed under general anaesthetic last year due to sugar consumption. If this is what sugar is doing to our teeth, imagine what it's doing to our overall health. Breast cancer cells metabolise fructose better than ALL other sugars. In short, if you have cancer, viruses, bacteria or fungus, cut out sugar. Pretty much all of us should quit the habit then!

I came away feeling that I need to reassess some aspects of my life, notably the recommendation of at least one hour per day of exercise (incorporating resistance training, aerobic activity and trampolining which is very important for moving the lymph). I no longer juice carrots, and have set up a weekly order of wheatgrass and snowpea shoots, which I drink or implant daily. As a result I am noticeably more alkaline and I feel mentally clearer.

As always, the key lies in finding what works for you as an individual, taking it gently, observing your body, and not being afraid to make changes along the way.

Epigenetics

I've mentioned Bruce Lipton before, but having seen him speak, I would absolutely recommend reading his book 'The Biology of Belief', or getting to one of his lectures. 

Last month I finally got to hear this incredible man speak. I've never seen a lecture hall full of such a diverse group of people. It wasn't the usual cancer crowd, there were people of all ages and races. There were dreadlocks and pashminas, suits and students. There was an air of anticipation and excitement, and he didn't disappoint. This man gave us six hours of his vital energy - he crammed his whole book brilliantly into one day of beautifully-explained education, from the origins of modern day physics to the way our cells work and communicate with each other. By the end I felt excited, and stronger in my belief that epigenetics plays a HUGE part in disease, and more importantly, in the reversal of disease.

Epigenetics is the study of environment on our genes. It's a relatively new idea that our fate is not controlled by our genes (flawed genes are actually responsible for less than 1% of all disease) rather that our cells respond to their environment, and our PERCEPTION of our environment. These are the factors which change our genetic activity.

Each of our 50 trillion cells is a mini version of us. They form a community which works in harmony, communicating and moving as one.

If you change the chemistry of the blood, you change the health of these cells. The brain releases chemistry (in the form of dopamine, oxytocin, cortisol etc) via the nervous system to alter the blood. So, as you change environment or perception, you change the chemistry of the blood. An example; through perception fear creates a surge of inflammatory chemistry in the body. This shuts down the growth of cells. Fear is an interpretation of an external event. It has a purpose; to fill the body with enough adrenaline to 'fight or flee'. This stress response shuts down the gastro/immune system and redirects blood and energy towards the arms and legs. Consider that we no longer use our fight or flight response properly. Even playing computer games creates stress hormones, shutting down the conscious brain and causing the hind brain to predominate. Working from this place of reflex behaviour means that absorption in the gut and the immune system is impaired for much of the time. Consider how that affects health in the long term.

Humans are an energy source. Each thing has it's own vibration. Cancer shows as a different vibration to healthy tissue. Cells move and communicate through the use of signals. In experiments it has been shown that the physical body is 100 times more efficient at using energy signals than chemical (ie drugs). Think about this in relation to energy healing, or simply positive thinking. Our thinking creates a cascade effect. We can either cause harmony and healthy growth within our bodies, or fear, inflammation and chaotic growth.

We are architects of our own experience and destiny. Our belief carries more power than our reality. What does this mean? When I was diagnosed, there was an elderly lady who had also just been told she had breast cancer. We regularly saw each other at the Tuesday breast clinic. She would tell me that she could smell her own fear, that she was living in constant anxiety. Imagine what this was doing (chemically) to her already depleted body and to the systems she needed most to return her to health. 

I left the lecture convinced that diet plays a HUGE role in the reversal of disease. After all, much of what we are spoon fed by the food industry is processed, toxic and inflammatory. Living foods are vital to heal. But I also came away trusting that thoughts, beliefs and positive energy are actually top of the list in healing fully.