Observing

A significant part of my healing has been learning to observe my body, and listen to what it's trying to tell me.

Before I was diagnosed, I totally subscribed to the idea that I could motor on through illness, regardless of how bad I felt. There were pills for every ill. At the first whiff of a headache I would take codeine. I took anti-cramping pills for bad periods, and regular spoonfuls of Kaolin and Morphine for tummy ache. As a mum of 2 young children, I believed I was irreplaceable, that I had to drag myself out of bed and get on with my busy day no matter what. This carried on for about 6 years, until (a month before I found the lump in my breast) I got so ill that I was bed-ridden with swine flu. I ended up losing my hearing in my left ear, and now have relentless tinnitus. The irony that I didn't listen and that I ended up deaf is not lost on me. 

For a long time I had felt that something was wrong, but I didn't have the tools to read my body, or know how to heal myself. Instead I relied on doctors and medication. I never looked at the underlying message, and I never took responsibility for my health. We're born with a natural wisdom to understand our physiology, but it's been silenced by a constant bombardment of 'wrong' messages from adverts, doctors, vaccinations and fast food. As a result we've become largely disconnected.

Early on in my healing, my nutritional therapist relayed to me the importance of only doing what is Right and what is Needed. She taught me that we must find the delicate balance of cleansing at the correct pace for our bodies. So for example, if I'm having a hectic day, and my kidneys and adrenals are feeling fatigued, a coffee enema and endless cups of green tea are not the best remedy (despite their health-giving properties) because they will put further pressure on those organs. On a day like that, a chamomile enema, and increased water intake would be more sensible. When I first bought my juicer, I started off with carrot and apple juice. Super cleansing green juice came later, when my body was becoming better at using it's rusty elimination routes (ie when my cells were less clogged with bad cholesterol, when they were more able to unload their toxicity into my lymph, and when that in turn could filter out through my liver, and finally my colon). If any one of these elimination routes is blocked, the body will attempt to cleanse through a less efficient organ - usually the lungs or the skin. For me, skin complaints are often a good sign that I have the pace of cleansing wrong.

It's also important to observe how the body reacts to food, to see if what we're putting IN is causing stress. Quinoa is a super food, no doubt, but it doesn't agree with me. We're individuals. Some things suit our biology, and some don't. Don't plug away at a 'diet' which is not working for you. Bashing on regardless can actually do more harm than good. Telltale signs are dark shadows under the eyes, lethargy and cravings caused by blood-sugar spikes. 

Watching thought patterns is equally important. For me, going back to a place of 'not good enough' makes me repeat age-old habits, like scratching non-existent itches (literally 'tearing myself apart').

These days I don't get period pains. I supplement daily with magnesium, and that was the deficiency which those cramps were trying to alert me to. Headaches are now thankfully a rare occurrence. If I do get one it's almost always down to stress, and a coffee enema tends to relieve the pain, whilst meditation calms the stress. And tummy aches are a thing of the past since my diet no longer contains processed food, gluten, sugar, caffeine or MSG. These were the substances which were irritating my gut lining and creating an imbalance in my gut flora, leaving me susceptible to infections.

In my experience, observing, becoming aware, and making changes is an imperative part of healing. Listening to the body is a skill which may have been lost, but is easy to re-learn.

The Dairy Connection

Dairy is a no-no for those of us with cancer, particularly hormone driven cancers like ovarian and breast. Why? All milk contains the hormone IGF-1, an insulin-like growth factor needed to promote the rapid growth of infants (be they human or animal). Guess what? This hormone also promotes the growth of tumours. Non-organic dairy is also laden with toxins; pesticides, hormones and antibiotics fed to cows as damage limitation for poor farming methods. All of these chemicals are passed on to the consumer.

Dairy is mucous forming; it slows the lymph, the very system which needs to be free and fast flowing in order to efficiently remove toxins from our cells. It also creates inflammation and acidity, the pre-cursers of disease. To balance this, our bones will leach calcium to alkalinise the blood. Yep, dairy can contribute to osteoporosis! And after the age of 7, most of us can no longer digest lactose, the sugar present in dairy, because we have evolved to be weaned by then. Persistent dairy ingestion therefore puts enormous pressure on the digestive system. 

'The China Study' by Colin Campbell is a fantastic book, which talks in detail about the link between animal derived protein, particularly dairy, and cancer growth. Jane Plant also talks about this in her book 'Your Life in Your Hands'. She made the connection between the low incidence of breast cancer in China (1 in 10,000) and low dairy consumption. Scientific research showed that when Chinese or Japanese women move to the West, within one or two generations their rates of breast cancer approach those of their host community (closer to 1 in 10).

The idea of giving up dairy can seem challenging, particularly as we have been programmed to believe that it's our ideal source of calcium. The truth is that there are other, great sources. Kale, broccoli, almonds and black strap molasses all contain high levels of absorbable calcium. 

There are delicious, health-GIVING dairy alternatives out there. At the moment I'm making fresh coconut yoghurt and kefir, which are a great way to repopulate gut flora. Coconut oil tastes great as a butter replacement when cooking and baking (although after a year of being a vegan, I now eat a little unsalted, organic butter). Nut and coconut milk is full of protein and calcium and is so easy to make. Simply soak nuts (almonds are great) overnight (coconut flakes can be soaked in warm water for just 20 minutes), whizz in a high speed blender with fresh water and strain through a nut milk bag or muslin. Cheeses are harder to replace, but cashew cheese is delicious. To make, soak cashews overnight, empty a probiotic capsule and whizz up in a blender. Leave in a warm, dark place for 12 or so hours. You can flavour with herbs, or pepper. 

Stress

Stress is a killer. These are not empty words. Chronic stress, over time is catastrophic for the body.

I'm in the process of buying a house. It's been one of the most stressful things I've ever done, and I'm feeling it. Stress is incredibly acidifying. It doesn't matter how many green juices I drink, or how well I eat, when I'm stressed I can't get alkaline. Stress has a physical effect on the body, causing the adrenal glands to pump out adrenaline and corticosteroids. The knock-on effect of these powerful hormones is an increased heart rate, a less effective immune system and dehydration at a cellular level.

Whereas in nature the stress response is a powerful life saver, for most of us it's become a fabricated reaction to a too-fast pace of life. When our bodies perceive danger, we're flooded with adrenalin, the Fight-or-Flight hormone, which gives us superhuman (yes, really) power, to flee the scene, or fight our attacker (historically this was presumably a wolf, not an estate agent!) Corticosteroids are also produced, and work FOR us by temporarily increasing energy production. However, they suppress the body's immune and inflammatory (short term healing) response. They also work in opposition to DHEA, an androgen produced by the adrenals which protects bone density, regulates sleep patterns, and maintains cardiovascular health by controlling bad cholesterol levels. In this modern world, many of us are in a permanent state of stress: when we're late, when we have an altercation with our boss, or when we miss a deadline. None of these situations is life threatening, but the resulting stress certainly is.

Of course this constant, excessive hormone production is harsh on the adrenal glands. Over time they become depleted and the body becomes unable to produce enough DHEA (the very hormone which balances the effects of steroids and adrenalin in the body). The result is lowered immune function, fatigue, sweet cravings, reliance on caffeine, low libido and disrupted sleep.

Although stress is real to our cells and organs, the truth is that most of it is created in our heads. And so we have power OVER it. These are my top stress busting tips. I'm writing them down in the hope that I will remember to use them more often!!!

BREATHE. Deeply and from the stomach. Ten deep, committed breaths will slow your heart rate, sending the signal to your body that you are safe.

Find a time and a place to meditate. This doesn't have to be a daily, dedicated, hour long practice. Even five minutes of mind-silence will take you to a place of calm. Longer periods spent in contemplation can give you precious insights into the world. What often comes up for me is that 'it doesn't matter' or 'it's OK'. I see my problems in a better perspective. I become aware of my organs, my heartbeat, my breath, and I see how hard my brain is making my body work.

Get out and MOVE. Exercise, in whatever form, releases happy hormones, which are the perfect counter to adrenaline. Being outdoors, being in nature, and breathing fresh air away from electro-magnetic stressors is both invigorating and grounding.

Sleep. Getting enough sleep is vital for repairing burnt out adrenals and allowing the body to heal. Ideally get 8 hours of good quality sleep (ie going to bed before 10pm in a darkened room free from mobile phones, computers and television screens).

Love your kidneys: The adrenal glands sit directly above the kidneys and they're closely linked organs. Lemon and warm water is a great tonic for the kidneys - it's calming and cleansing, and perfect upon waking. Drink plenty of water throughout the day (up to 2 litres is ideal), and limit caffeine and alcohol consumption, which makes work for the kidneys. 

Speaking up

Despite a great fear of public speaking, I recently agreed to talk to a small group of women. The brief was "A three minute mini-talk on something that you're passionate about." Unsurprisingly I spoke about the thing which has changed my life; cancer. As I practiced my little speech over and over again, the message became clear, and it was that we all have a choice. Whether your choice is chemotherapy, or any one of the alternatives, the simple fact that you have educated yourself, that you are aware that you are making a CHOICE, is so empowering. Being empowered takes us away from being a victim. Being empowered is the first step towards healing.

I observed my body under stress throughout that mini-talk, I used everything I'd learned to breathe deeply and to be calm. I wasn't totally aware of what I was saying, but at the end of that nerve-shattering 3 minutes, I was met with faces registering just a little bit of shock at what I'd said, and in that moment I realised (sadly) that there will always be an audience for cancer.

I can't deny that I got a buzz from telling my story that night, from showing that there are different healing modalities. In that spirit, when I was asked to film a testimonial for Dr Nyjon Eccles about thermography as opposed to mammograms, I jumped at it, feeling nervous, but passionate about sharing some of what I'd learned. I feel so strongly that the current medical paradigm isn't working, that we need to update screening technology to safer, less invasive methods, which already exist but are not mainstream. (I've discussed my feelings about mammograms in my post about monitoring). How amazing would it be if a generation of women sidestepped the dangers of mammograms and benefitted from the earlier detection that a thermo-scan offers.

Here's the link to the video;  
https://www.facebook.com/BreastScreeningUK/posts/712875578726724?notif_t=like

There are lies, damn lies, and statistics

The joy at the recent headline-grabbing news about Angelina Jolie's elective preventative mastectomy is understandable if you believe that her risk went from 85% to 5%. In truth that was her RELATIVE risk. Her ABSOLUTE risk of dying of breast cancer due to the BRCA1 gene was an increase of 1.7%. 

Despite passing my statistics 'O' level, I was never very good at maths. Sitting in the oncologists office, how I wished I'd paid more attention. None of the figures thrown at me made any sense. Of 100 women in my age bracket (40 - 50 years old) with the same sized tumour (2 - 5cms) and the same amount of positive lymph nodes (1 - 10) only 65% would survive 5 years without any allopathic treatment. What did that mean? I had no idea. The second opinion doctor was straighter with me. When I asked him did I have a 65 percent chance of surviving until I was 45, his answer was no. I had a 50 % chance. I would live, or I would die. 

My Dad tried to explain relative risk vs absolute risk. I was none the wiser, but I was told that my chance of surviving 5 years decreased from between 90% - 80% to 75% - 65% if I chose to reject chemotherapy, radiotherapy and tamoxifen. (The figures changed depending on which consultant I saw, and how optimistic they were with my 'data') In total, the 3 biggest guns that the NHS had to offer gave me (at best) an increased survival rate of 15 percent. Chemotherapy alone offered me just 5 percent. FIVE PERCENT? And that was without taking into consideration the potential carcinogenic side-effects.

I asked my oncologist, who are these women who have chosen to do 'nothing'? What is 'nothing'? Are they smokers? Overweight? He didn't have answers. And later I learned that statistics are actually stacked drug against drug, not necessarily against a 'clean' control group. I have certainly never been asked to be a part of any survey, and even if I were, I would argue vehemently that I have done 'nothing' to prevent a recurrence. 

Regardless of any numbers, none of the allopathic options offered to me resonated.

In my opinion, it's vital to understand that we're not a collection of body parts. We cannot chop bits off hoping to evade a systemic disease borne not of inheritance, but of toxicity and deficiency. Epigenetics tells us that it is the environment within the body which switches genes on or off. How empowering to know that we have some control, that by creating an alkaline, oxygen-rich environment, disease is far less likely to happen. Japanese women who carry the BRCA1 gene have a 65% less chance of a cancer diagnosis than their American sisters with the same inherited faulty gene, unless they move to America, then the rates level out very quickly. What does this tell us? That cancer is a disease of malnutrition and lifestyle.

Scars

Before I had my right breast removed, I couldn't imagine my body without it. The days leading up to the operation were difficult. I tried hard to prepare for it's absence, but it was impossible, inconceivable.

I never wanted a reconstruction, hating the idea of unnecessary further surgery. Besides, anaesthetic suppresses the immune system (as do the inevitable subsequent anti-biotics and pain-killers), and I was trying to boost my immune system to deal with any residual cancer. I was working hard to detoxify, so the idea of loading my liver with toxins was counter-intuitive. I disliked the idea of silicon in my body, a foreign object that would permanently remind me of what I had lost. I didn't even consider the more complicated surgeries which would involve taking fat and skin from my belly and back. I imagined a body-map of scars and a possible franken-boob. My final, absolute no-no was allowing a surgeon to 'match' my remaining, (and let's face it, after 28 months of breast-feeding, well worn) breast, to it's new perky, plastic counterpart. Cutting into my healthy breast, and leaving it potentially lacking sensitivity seemed a little crazy.

The worst part of the operation was the tubes which were sewn into the surgery site to drain off lymph fluid, and their removal a few days later. I can't honestly say that I remember pain, more bruising and tightness, which continued for some months.

Mastectomy and Lymphadenectomy scars

Naturally, it took time to get used to my new body. It was uncomfortable, and I got a shock every time I saw myself in the mirror. I guarded my surgery site with my arm, scared that my children would hurt me as they came in to land for cuddles. Looking back, I resembled a bird with a broken wing. It took a while to get full mobility back in my arm, and the area under my armpit is still a little numb. That first summer I hated my prosthesis; a hot, sweaty burden, heavy and unnatural. But I'm a sucker for symmetrical, so I persevered.

Now I wear my scars with pride, they're thin and the wounds are well healed. And what are scars if not a visual reminder of survival?

My husband, amazingly supportive throughout, has no issues with his one-breasted wife, and I still walk around naked in front of my children. They're all totally un-phased by my missing body part, if a little unimpressed by my immodesty!!!

These are intensely personal decisions, and I make no judgement of what others choose. I understand the weight of attachment to a breast and the potential loss of identity post-mastectomy. For me, I simply accept my new body, and that makes me happy.

Armpits

Like many women who have had breast cancer, I have had a Lymphadenectomy - the removal of all of the lymph nodes in my armpit. This operation, performed only a fortnight after mastectomy, posed one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. During the mastectomy one lymph node of the 12 removed showed positive for cancer and I was advised to undergo a full lymph dissection. This would involve going back in through my very recently (and beautifully) healed mastectomy scar to remove every last node in my armpit. I felt reticent about compromising such an important part of my detoxification system, but also anxious about potentially leaving cancer within my body. I made a decision rooted in fear and it's one that I regret, particularly because I've since learned that the primary reason for removing lymph nodes is for diagnostic purposes, and I had already decided that I would not be having chemotherapy. 

The surgeon did not in fact use my mastectomy scar, but went in through my armpit, creating a 5 inch horizontal scar which has caused much pain and discomfort. (You can elect to have a 'frozen node biopsy' which obviates the need for a second operation, but this was not available at my hospital). Removal of the lymph nodes often creates 'cording', a painful tightening of vessels in the armpit which leads to restricted movement of the arm. There is also a risk of lymphoedema, a dangerous and sometimes irreversible build up of lymphatic fluid in the arm, which thankfully I never experienced. (I regularly visited a lymphatic drainage specialist after surgery to 'create' pathways for my damaged lymph system to drain into). There was no sign of cancer in any of those further 22 removed lymph nodes. Great news for my prognosis, not such great news for my lymph.

Every cell in our body is bathed in lymphatic fluid. Toxins, cell debris, viruses and bacteria are drawn into the fluid, and transported via the lymphatic system (a network of thin-walled vessels) into lymph glands. These outposts for the immune system exist throughout the body, and contain high levels of white blood cells, macrophages and lymphocytes, which destroy or remove toxins. Other organs like the thymus, appendix, tonsils and spleen are also part of the lymphatic system. Unlike blood, the lymphatic system has no pump, instead it relies on movement of the body. A sluggish lymph makes for a sluggish immune system, which in turn leads to toxic build up within the cells and the intra-cellular fluid.

The purpose of sweat glands in our armpits? To expel toxins from the lymph. The purpose of anti-perspirant deodorants? To stop that sweat from coming out through the skin. The result? Toxins are forced back into the lymphatic system. This is particularly bad news for breasts, which, due to their fatty nature and proximity to the armpit, often end up as a dumping ground for toxic by-products, which the body would rather have eliminated through the natural process of sweating. As tissues become more and more toxic, acidity levels rise, oxygen levels reduce and the potential for cells to mutate into cancer cells increases. 

Even deodorants (as opposed to anti-perspirants) are dangerous, as many contain aluminium, which blocks pores, again, impeding the natural movement of toxins out through the skin. As well as being chemically laden, spray-on deodorants cause harm to the lungs as micro-particles are breathed in (particularly in the often humid environment of the bathroom).

But we don't have to give up deodorant entirely (although from personal experience I can vouch that the cleaner the diet, the less smelly the armpit!!) There are great aluminium free options out there, from crystals to roll-ons. I like Urtekram's organic rose roll-on, which works even on the hottest days (sweat is actually odourless, and only smells when microbes oxidise on the skin).

And there's more bad news for the lymph. Bras, particularly underwired ones, can also impede the lymphatic system, building pressure, creating blockages and increasing toxic build up within breast tissue. 'Dressed to Kill' by Sydney Ross Singer and Soma Grismaijer makes for interesting reading. They did a study which showed that the rate of breast cancer amongst bra-wearing Maori women is the same as in Western countries, while Aboriginal women, who predominately go bra-free have practically no breast cancer. The same is true for 'westernised' Japanese, Fijians and other 'bra-converted' cultures. Take time to go bra-free. Avoid under-wiring, and never wear a bra to bed. 

There are ways to improve lymph flow - exercise, dry brushing, rebounding (trampolining), hydrotherapy (switching the water from hot to cold and back again in the shower) and using a FAR infrared sauna all work beautifully. On rising in the morning swing and stretch your arms out behind and to the side four or five times to kick-start lymph circulation.