Wednesday 22 November 2023

Clean Beauty


Healing from chronic disease requires a multi-faceted approach and this must involve awareness of ingredients in the ‘beauty’ products we use daily; products which claim to make us look better, smell better, and even feel better, but which actually contain harmful chemicals that place a burden on the liver and its ability to detoxify. 

How do these compounds enter the body? The skin is the second largest organ after the fascia, and acts as a barrier and a carrier. That is to say that whatever we put on the skin will be absorbed and ultimately taken to the liver to be processed before being eliminated.

We can support the liver by mindfully reducing the burden we place upon it. A good practice is to count the products you use daily: soap, shampoo, conditioner, moisturiser, deodorant, makeup, toothpaste, perfume etc. Then ask yourself how can you reduce usage, swap to cleaner, non-toxic brands, or make your own. There are suggestions below, but first, let’s look at the most problematic ingredients.

BPA. Found in plastic packaging, the linings of cans and vacu-packs, BPA is a potent endocrine disruptor. Endocrine disruptors not only potently mimic hormones in the body but can also cause dysregulation of detoxification routes. This is particularly problematic with oestrogen, re-routing it down potentially damaging pathways which can have long term implications.  

Fluoride. Diet is a better way to protect the enamel of your teeth than ingesting fluoride, a potent neurotoxin and endocrine disruptor which can also negatively impact the thyroid gland. Be sure to eat a diet rich in vitamins A, D3, K2 as well as phosphorous and magnesium.

Formaldehyde. This carcinogen is more prevalent than you might think, making an appearance in nail polish, hair straightening treatments and shampoo. It is particularly problematic in the lungs since it is a Volatile Organic Compound (VOC), a colourless gas which is inhaled. 

Metals. Aluminium is prevalent in anti-perspirants, blocking the pores and sabotaging the body’s natural ability to eliminate toxins via sweat. This is particularly problematic when you consider the proximity of the armpits to the fatty tissue of the breast; fat cells are a convenient place for the body to store toxins and chemicals if they cannot be excreted.

Parabens are preservatives found in almost every product which contains water (to prevent the growth of bacteria and mould). These known endocrine disruptors strongly mimic oestrogen, binding to cell receptors and altering the delicate balance of detoxification metabolites. Parabens can also alter immune system function and negatively impact the nervous system. Sodium Benzoate is a preservative in the same class as parabens and is prevalent in the cosmetics industry making it hard to avoid. Look out for it in shampoos and conditioners. 

Perfumes. Fragrance in almost all cosmetic and beauty products is of chemical/synthetic origin. ‘Scents’ enter the body both via the skin and the respiratory system and as such are considered potentially damaging to the liver and the lungs. Avoid scented candles and air fresheners for the same reason.

Petroleum jelly. This is a cheap by-product of the petrochemical industry. It is found in baby oil, lip balms, make-up and body washes. It impedes the skin from breathing and detoxifying efficiently.

Phthalates. These ‘plasticizers’ are common ingredients in nail polish and hairsprays. They are also endocrine disruptors and have been linked to lung and liver damage. 

Surfactants: sodium lauryl sulphate (SLS and SLES) are foaming agents often found in shampoo, soap, bubble bath and toothpaste. Largely derived from the petroleum industry they are easily absorbed through the skin and residual levels are found to remain in the heart, liver, lungs and brain. 

Talc is a cheap bulking ingredient (sometimes ‘naturally’ contaminated with asbestos) which has detrimental effects on the lungs. 


This is not an exhaustive list, and manufacturers are adept at altering names to avoid customer sanctions. It can be challenging to find genuinely clean products, and as such my advice is to reduce exposure to toxic ingredients where possible, whilst supporting detoxification routes in the body, specifically the colon, liver and kidneys. To begin with this can be as simple eating a diet rich in fibre, consuming bitter foods and brassica vegetables (arugula, bok choy, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, cavolo nero, chard, and kale) whilst staying hydrated by drinking 1.5 litres of filtered water daily.

I have compiled a directory of tried and tested products which are as clean as possible. Companies who are mindful to avoid cheap, synthetic, toxic ingredients are generally more expensive, and so I have included some suggestions to ‘make your own’ where possible. 



SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER
Odylique for shampoo and conditioner made without synthetic colours, fragrances or preservatives. 
Balmonds Natural shampoo which can also be used as a body wash.


SOAP AND HANDWASH
Dr Bronner’s All-one magic soap for body and hand wash and even cleaning your home. 

I recommend relaxing magnesium baths over perfumed, toxic bubble baths. Add 2-10 cups of magnesium chloride or sulphate to a warm bath, starting slowly and building up gradually. Buy 15 or 25 kilo bags on eBay. You can also add Celtic salt, warming essential oils like ginger and orange, and even dried or fresh petals for an at-home spa experience.




DEODORANTS
Get Fussy Bare All 
Odylique Prebiotic Natural Unscented Deodorant

Or: make your own using bicarbonate of soda, coconut oil, shea butter, arrowroot and essential oils. 




SKINCARE
Jurlique. Biodynamic. Organic. 
360 Botanics. Organic. Vegan. Cruelty free.
Neal’s Yard Botanicals. Cruelty free. 
Pai. Organic. Cruelty free.
Weleda. Organic. Cruelty free.

Or: make your own bespoke moisturisers using combinations of shea butter, castor oil, coconut oil, vitamin E oil, almond oil and cacao butter. 
Coconut oil and a hot flannel is the best way to remove make-up.. 
Witch hazel or rose water are good toners, or you can even use chamomile tea. 
Bentonite clay masks are great for oily skin. Use avocado and honey masks for dry skin. Coffee grounds blended into coconut oil makes a wonderful face and body scrub.




TOOTHPASTE
Green People Fluoride free fennel and propolis.
Dentalcidin Biocidin. Expensive, but wonderful for removing biofilms in the mouth which can lead to tooth decay.
Laila Remineralising tooth powder.

Or: make your own toothpaste using baking soda, coconut oil, spearmint essential oil and charcoal powder if desired. 3% food grade hydrogen peroxide is the best mouthwash, or try coconut oil pulling.


MAKE-UP
I recommend getting in touch with Imelda at Content Beauty and Wellbeing for sound information on the best non-toxic make-up brands. Some tried and tested favourites:
Dr Hauschka. Cruelty free. Largely organic.
Jane Iredale. Cruelty free. Vegan. Great non-toxic mascara.
Juice Beauty. Cruelty free. Not entirely vegan.
Inika. Cruelty free, vegan, organic.

Baldwins sells wonderful ingredients to make your own products, and they also sell the exquisite book ‘The handmade Apothecary’ by Vicky Chow and Kim Walker, which contains beautiful recipes to make your own beauty and self-care products.  




For more information and recipes for home-made calendula oil and coffee scrub, you can download my free ‘Skin’ booklet here



I would love to hear of your favourite clean brands. 



Tuesday 12 September 2023

Survival Mode

Last weekend a question from my children about fear and the body provoked some thoughts about survival mode. 

For the first time in my life, I clearly saw five 'life-shocks' (in the words of the late, great Sophie Sabbage) each of which altered my world view, and have kept me largely in a state of survival for the past 24 years.

The first: 1999. An unprovoked attack on a London street, 3 minutes from my home in broad daylight. A broken cheekbone from the first punch, a chipped tooth from the second. I urinated in fear as the third punch threw me into the road on my back. Until this moment, with three brothers, I had always believed I could fight or talk my way out of an aggression. But this was not play-fighting. Naturally, it left me feeling scared and impotent. It changed the way I lived in the world for a very long time, unable to make eye contact with strangers, unable to trust that I was safe. I sensed that someone could exert power over me at any moment and not only would I be unable to defend myself, but that no-one would come to my rescue or protect me. I mistakenly learned to release an expectation of safety.

The second life altering event was learning that my husband and I would not be able to conceive naturally. By the time we discovered his infertility, we had been trying to get pregnant for over a year and I was crazed and myopic. Our choices were to use a sperm donor, adopt or stop. My body was screaming to carry a baby, and so we chose a donor. A donor who was the same height and skin colour as my husband. Who also had Irish heritage, brown hair and blue eyes, a love of music. But who was not my husband. The grief at not being able to carry the biological baby of the man I loved was immense. I learned to let go of the expectations that I had subconsciously carried since I was a child: that parenthood was somehow a right.

The third event was my own cancer diagnosis, which I have written about many times. I learned about the uncertainty of life and to release the expectation of health. I learned to understand mortality which is the biggest gift a life-altering event can bestow. It teaches us to live, to really live. It sparked a joy for reconnecting with nature, a move to the country and home education of my children. The lesson was clear: don't wait, don't endure. Grasp life with all of the colour it offers and live it daily.

The fourth event came nine months later. My 7 year old son, a week into September, fresh from the summer but his lungs full of grief about my own health, told me he had "little room to breathe". Doctors dismissed him, but within days he was on a life support machine, having been bluelighted across London connected to makeshift breathing apparatus. His recovery was slow, even after extubation and I would not wish the horror of those few weeks on any parent. I barely functioned during that period. Noises came from my body that were animalistic at best. The pain was indescribable and the fear was consuming. I learned not even to take breathing for granted.

The final event: two and half years ago, my husband, my best friend of 27 years, told me he no longer loved me and left. It was sudden, unexpected and triggered feelings of abandonment. The voyage of self-discovery over the past 29 months has been nothing less than epic. I have transitioned to yet another new identity, no longer someone's lover, wife or partner. Although I thought I had done this work, I am still learning to lean in to loving myself, wholly, without apology. I have learned to let go of the expectations of relying on another, instead understanding that I am whole. 

Each of these five events was a shock. These shocks send the body into sympathetic nervous system dominance: fight or flight mode. In this mode we do not need to digest food. We do not need to have a well functioning immune system. We do not need balanced hormones. Because the body is programmed to survive above all else, and from this place we need nothing more than cortisol, adrenaline and elevated blood sugar. 

In my practice I see many people who are stuck in this place of survival. It leads to leaky gut, autoimmune conditions, fibromyalgia, blood sugar dysregulation, irritable bowel syndrome, flatlining cortisol. And the root cause is stress. Chronic, prolonged stress which feeds back to the body that we are not safe. 

What is the takeaway from this blog post? Life happens. We will inevitably experience pain, loss, ill-health, fear or rejection. The question is, how can we care for ourselves and promote health at times of great change? How can we reassure the physical body when we experience intense stress? 

I firmly believe that love is the antidote. Not love from another, but love for self. Self-love involves reassuring the body, mind and soul that we are safe. This calms the central nervous system and supports the switch from sympathetic dominant to para-sympathetic dominant, i.e. moving from fight or flight to rest and digest. The fastest way to do this is conscious breathing. The body senses that it cannot be under fire if we are breathing deeply. Drop your shoulders. Breathe in deeply and slowly through the nose deep down into the abdomen for the count of 7. Hold that breath with ease, and then breathe out through pursed lips for the count of 9. Take a short pause between breaths and repeat at least 10 times. Observe your body throughout the day. Are shoulders raised? Are you taking short, shallow breaths which signal fear and unsafety to the body? If so, take a moment and realign with meaningful breath.

It is also helpful to practice the mantra of safety: simply repeat to yourself, "I am safe". Meditation and gentle massage are also beneficial here.

Sit down to eat. Chew slowly. Take your time. There is time. You are safe. 

Energy work can help to realign the body very quickly back to rest and digest: reiki, acupuncture and cranio-sacral therapies can support astounding shifts.

Lastly, awareness is everything. Become aware of thoughts and words which shape the way you live in the world. What is your inner narrative? Process stress as it comes, allowing it to move through the body in a healthy way. Shaking the body can be very helpful in shifting the biochemistry of stress.

Thursday 19 January 2023

The basics

Someone recently asked me if there is one thing that I recommend to all of my clients to support good health. This is an interesting question because if we consider that there are 8 billion people, with trillions of possible genetic variations, in a wide variety of environments, making each of us unique then it is clear that there cannot be a 'one size fits all' answer. However, there are some common recommendations that I make for wellness, and these are in essence the basis of my workshops.

All bodies have evolved to survive. To thrive. To heal. Our internal systems work tirelessly to anabolise and catabolise: simple biological processes which synthesise and break down molecules in an effort to create cellular energy. The molecules that we breathe, eat, drink and put on our skin are processed, metabolised and detoxified in an elegant cycle. Certain things slow the efficiency of these processes. I would largely break these down into: 

  • Poor diet (low nutrient status)
  • Lack of exercise (low oxygen status)
  • Inability to manage stress (including lack of purpose, passion and joy)
  • Environmental toxins (including pharmaceutical and recreational drugs)

So, going back to the original question, how can we broadly support health? 


POOR DIET

Good health is undeniably reliant on a strong and diverse microbiome - an internal ecosystem made up of trillions of microbes. Each area of the body has its own subset of beneficial bacteria which work for us, digesting food, balancing cholesterol, regulating irons levels, synthesising vitamins, moderating tissue pH, manufacturing hormones and more. These microbes respond to the body's internal terrain. When we feed them, they thrive, therefore we thrive. They love fibre, so eating an unprocessed diet rich in seasonal vegetables and local fruit, plus nuts, seeds and pulses is beneficial. 

Beyond the microbiome, a rainbow coloured diet provides us with a multitude of vitamins, minerals and nutraceuticals - compounds which support all body functions. This is unsurprising when you consider that we have evolved alongside our food sources. For example berries are rich in polyphenols which can modulate the intestinal microbiota, support heart health, improve hormonal detoxification and more. Apply this nature-magic to a broad spectrum of wholefoods and you have a natural medicine cabinet on your plate, but without negative side effects. 

Hydration is crucial for good health since our cells require water to communicate, transport nutrients and detoxify. In the west particularly, we have been intoxicated by energy drinks, sugary smoothies, tea and coffee: anything but pure water. Consistent hydration brings clarity and energy, but for this to occur many of us need to relearn the thirst response. An easy tip is to set an hourly alarm throughout the day, drinking 8oz of clean water each time it goes off. Observe how you feel after a week - are headaches diminished? Do you feel less bloated? Are you sleeping better? I recommend getting a good filter to avoid common toxins; fluoride, chlorine, hormones, pharmaceuticals and microbes. I love my Aquasana whole house water filter, but Berkey countertop filters are also great for purifying drinking water. Adding a pinch of sea salt, the juice of half a lemon and 1/4 teaspoon of cream of tartar to the first glass of water on waking delivers electrolytes, expediting cellular hydration.


LACK OF EXERCISE

An oxygenated body is a healthy body. A daily exercise practice which increases heart rate and leaves you out of breath for 25 minutes will oxygenate the cells, move blood and lymph and improve heart health. Ideally some resistance training is strengthening for bones, particularly as we age. I recommend exercising in nature, since sunshine supports the production of endorphins, those happy hormones which help us to cope with stress. We have evolved within the natural biome - it feeds us in invisible ways from beneficial negative ions to commensal (helpful) bacteria. 


CHRONIC STRESS

When supporting clients with cancer or other chronic illnesses, I often start by asking if there is joy and purpose. Why do you want to live? This simple question is fundamental to healing, particularly from diseases which have the potential to highlight our mortality. When we sink into joy, laugh freely, allow love and follow passions, the body heals. If we examine this from a chemical perspective we see that joy is the antidote to stress. Happiness hormones lower inflammation and counter the production of those stress hormones which would seek to keep us alive short term, but in doing so impair digestion, immune response and hormone balance.  Become aware of your stress triggers and the language you use around them. Managing stress can be as simple as starting a daily mindful breathing practice; concentrating on inhaling deeply through the nose into the diaphragm and slowly exhaling through the mouth.


TOXINS

When it comes to environmental toxins the best thing we can do is reduce burden. Read labels and avoid known toxins in beauty products: phthalates, parabens and BPA to name a few. Choose natural products without aluminium or microplastics. Think about your exposure to chemicals in the home and garden; paint fumes, cleaning and gardening products. Choose paints with low VOCs (volatile organic compounds) like Little Greene's water based products. 

With regards to pharmaceuticals I certainly never recommend stopping cold turkey, but it IS important to look at root cause: why have you been prescribed long-term medication and how could this be impacting your overall health? PPIs (proton pump inhibitors) for example lower hydrochloric acid in the gut which can have far-reaching negative downstream effects. Addressing ill-health by looking at root cause often means that we can reduce or even stop taking pharmaceuticals.

Directly supporting the liver, our main organ of detoxification, is wise. Reducing sugar is one of the first things I regularly recommend since refined sugar consumption over time leads to fatty liver, diminishing this vital organ's ability to detoxify the body from chemicals, hormones, heavy metals, histamine, alcohol and drugs. 


Beyond these things, I believe that the fastest route to health is to become reacquainted with your own body. As children we learn to respond to a full bladder or bowel; we understand when we are hungry or need to sleep. As adults we have not learned to interpret more subtle cues which indicate a physical need. We often seek the dopamine hit of caffeine or sugar rather than honestly acknowledging the body's requests for nutrients or rest.

Re-learning the language of the body is a beautiful thing, and all you need to do is tune in and trust yourself: how do you feel when you eat gluten, dairy, or sugar? How about after alcohol or stimulants? Do you have cravings? What is your body asking for, and why? Do you notice changes in the way your body odour? Do you know how to rest and stop? Reconnecting with the body brings an ability to support the physical alongside the mental and emotional aspects of living. 

If this information feels overwhelming, naturopaths, nutritional therapists or functional doctors can guide you in this re-learning and responding to the signs and symptoms from your unique body.


Tuesday 4 October 2022

Healing the cycle.

It's fantastic that it is menopause awareness month. We absolutely should be talking about the discomfort that many of us experience at this time of life. However, I strongly feel that the discussion needs to be extended to include painful periods, particularly for teens. 

Let's go back to where I believe it all began for me. I had horrific periods. I was 15 when I started to menstruate and suffered monthly until I was misguidedly put on the pill at around 16 years of age. I would pass out in pain, blue lipped, tightly gripped. At a loss as to how to help me, my Mum, as was normal, put her faith in our family doctor. Trained in Western allopathic practice, he sought not the root cause of this abnormal pain, but instead snuffed out the symptoms which were screaming of imbalance with pharmaceuticals in the form of the contraceptive pill.

The pill can be helpful in improving period pain because it thins the womb lining and reduces the levels of inflammatory prostaglandins (hormone-like compounds which have many jobs, one of which is stimulating muscle contractions). This means that your body needs to work less hard to shed the womb lining - ie fewer cramps. However, the pill is problematic for many. In 1985, as is still common today, it was made of synthetic components which mimic oestrogen and progesterone. They sit on the same cell receptor sites as our own endogenous hormones, but since they do not have the same chemical structure, they are not broken down with the same efficacy, or down the same healthy pathways.Synthetic oestrogen is many times more potent than natural and can stay in the body for weeks vs the few hours that it takes to metabolise body-made hormones. This creates or exacerbates a state of oestrogen dominance, which can, when taken to it's unnatural conclusion, cause hormone sensitive cancers. These synthetic compounds also block vitamins B, C and E, zinc, selenium and magnesium; all vital in supporting the roles of detoxification, fertility, gut and immune health. And cancer prevention. The pill can negatively impact the liver (causing impeded detoxification, high cholesterol and systemic inflammation), the thyroid (oestrogen dominance can hinder the necessary conversion of thyroid hormones in the liver, whilst encouraging too many thyroid binding proteins, preventing thyroid hormones from getting into the cell) and the brain (studies have shown that the pill can cause significant structural changes in areas of the brain associated with memory and emotional processing). Beyond this the contraceptive pill can alter the delicate microbial balance of the gut, specifically the oestrobolome: the subset of beneficial bacteria which helps to metabolise and balance our systemic oestrogen. All drugs cause some level of side effects because they interfere with the intricate communication and feedback loops in our incredible bodies. But few drugs are taken so hastily and for such a long time as the contraceptive pill.

The pill stopped my pain, sure. But at what cost? I stayed on it for around 17 years, terrified of those agonising periods which stopped my world on a monthly basis. It was only truly in childbirth that I understood how abnormal my suffering was. I cruised to 7 cm dilation, abnormally comfortable at the intensity of that pain; my periods were like mini monthly labours. 

After I had had my babies, the pain returned. Crippling pain that stopped me driving, or moving, and a flow that stopped me sitting on other people's pale sofas during my period. It was only after my cancer diagnosis, when I began to explore the role of hormones in my illness, that I understood that I had suffered from oestrogen dominance my entire life. I learned that I have slow MTHFR and COMT genes. Essentially this translates to having an increased need for bio-available B vitamins to complete certain biological functions. I break oestrogen down slowly, leading to an imbalance in the 'grow' hormone compared to it's counter 'slow' progesterone.

I firmly believe, that even with my genetic propensity to break oestrogen down slowly, I would not have experienced crippling period pain had I been born in a different era. The burden from xeno-oestrogens (prevalent in make-up, self care products and household chemicals) would have been significantly less. Magnesium levels (needed for optimal muscle contraction) would have been higher in my diet due to greater amounts available in the soil that my food was grown in. Food would have contained less refined sugar and 'bad' oils, and I would have had less exposure to plastic - a potent hormone mimicker and disruptor.

There are natural ways to reduce pain, and in my practice these are all based on removing the root cause and supporting the natural balance of the body. One of the real issues I see in practice is that painful periods are often familial - that is to say that if you suffer from pain, your mother likely suffered, and your child may also suffer, normalising the experience. And so to my message. If you are a young person experiencing debilitating monthly pain when you menstruate, or if you are the parent of a young person who suffers, know this: this is your body conversing with you in all of its wisdom. It is telling you that there is toxicity (too much of something) or deficiency (too little of what the body needs). Learn the language of your symptoms. What is the message? 

I believe, because I have seen, that it is entirely possible to experience gentle periods. Often it is simply a case of changing the diet, taking some gentle, natural supplements, supporting the liver and becoming more aware of environmental toxins. Sugar and 'bad' fats for example, increase our production of those inflammatory prostaglandins. Stress burns through our magnesium stores. If we show our children how to support and heed their bodies, there is every chance that they will sail through menopause when their time comes. 

Thursday 7 April 2022

Naturopathic Health

I'm excited to be working as a naturopath. It feels wonderful to be able to share what I have learned over the past 12 years with others in a tangible way. I believe that healing is simpler than we may have been lead to believe. I am seeing strong patterns in the people I am working with. Unsurprisingly the gut plays a foundational role, as do diet and lifestyle. Which begs me to ask the question; do you ever feel that you are the one sabotaging your health?

This blog is a shout out to my amazing 18 year old son who was once crippled by OCD and ended up on a life support machine aged 7 because his body couldn't cope with a respiratory virus.

He has guided me in my own health journey as we have discovered his intolerances to gluten (makes him feel emotional, edgy and adrenal) and dairy (he loses his sense of smell and feels generally mucousy). He self regulates because he knows how those foods make him feel. He happily supplements with certain vitamins and minerals because they support his central nervous system, well, his whole system.

He is sensitive to drugs, clearing them slowly, so we weaned him off the steroids and asthma medication that he was given after his near-death experience, instead focusing on a varied, organic, seasonal diet, clean water and clean body products: basically a nutrient-rich, low-toxin lifestyle. Moving to the countryside helped enormously - he never suited city living. Home education saved him in other ways - he got to explore his passions and go at his own pace. We massively reduced his stress burden which is paramount in healing.

As a result he is no longer governed by OCD, recovers from colds faster than anyone I know and is a gregarious seeker of fun; an extrovert with enormous confidence. A sensitive, intelligent and wise child, he has reached adulthood intact and is fully living his potential. This could have been a very different story.

Each of us have unique genetic propensities which are directly guided by the environments we create for ourselves, both internally and externally; how we respond to stress, what we eat, what we put on and in our bodies. Each of us have a different path to health and yet so many of us unknowingly continue to live in ways that are unsustainable. What are these diet and lifestyle health obstacles? Processed foods, limited and restricted nutrient-poor diets, stress and toxic beauty products are all sabotage the body's natural balance. They make our livers work harder and they tax our guts. The downstream effect is one of toxicity and deficiency; the hallmarks of chronic disease. The body will communicate any imbalance to us. First it will whisper with pain, bloating, fatigue, dry skin and nails or insomnia. Unheard it will speak more loudly with auto-immune illnesses like allergies, hypothyroidism, kidney stones or gall bladder issues. Finally it will scream with life-threatening diseases like diabetes, heart disease and cancer.

When we learn the language of the body we are able to hear its messages and respond by supporting its immense efforts at maintaining balance. With this rebalancing comes energy and a lust for life. Health is not the absence of illness - it is about feeling vibrant, potent and happy.


Monday 30 August 2021

Permission

What happens if we surrender to our current situation, giving ourselves permission to be and feel, unconstrained by societal expectations of succeeding, healing or even coping. What if we stop striving and permit ourselves to feel sad, overwhelmed or ill, heeding the body's call to acknowledge legitimate feelings as a means to process them.

What if we radically accept ourselves in whatever form we take in whichever moment. Even if that is old, tired or grey. What if society and economics has it wrong and we are still valid, vibrant and beautiful in all of our states, young, old, unemployed, infertile.

What if we reframe? 

Illness as an opportunity to rest and reassess lifestyle choices.

Tiredness as a call to stop.

Grief as a time to process.

Age as a blessing, one of wisdom and beauty. Wrinkles finely woven into the tapestries of the skin as visible etchings of emotions well explored: a life experienced in all of it's forms. 

What if everything is OK. All feelings are OK. Understanding that it is appropriate to feel and express anger or sorrow. And what if we teach the next generation not to swallow their pride, dry their tears and curb their anger. What if we encourage healthy expression and acknowledgement of the full range of human emotion?

These feelings serve us - and yet we have compartmentalised them into categories of acceptable and unacceptable, good and bad. If we want to suppress, succumbing to the body's internalised rage later, then this is surely the way to go. If however we are prepared to sit in the fury, the disappointment, the gut wrenching pain as well as the joy, the relief, the vibrancy, then what? We begin to process life as it happens, experience it in technicolour. Our sentient bandwidths, our capacities, grow. The lows may be lower but the highs are higher. We become blessed to feel EVERYTHING. We stop numbing, suppressing and repressing feelings which we have named as unhelpful, impolite, ugly and painful. What a gift this is to access and express the full range of emotion - of energy in motion. And we have a CHOICE. We can CHOOSE to feel but it takes courage. To sit in the uncomfortable. To weep, shake, rock, and wail. To feel humbled and brought to our knees. To face the fear of loss or abandonment. Brandon bays teaches, as do many others, that if we sit with our feelings for long enough we will come always to a place of love; a blinding, all-encompassing love which holds us and releases us from fear. Which brings faith, strength and calm. And what if we can only access this place of bliss on Earth by allowing and exploring ALL of those other emotions?

I have become acutely aware of my knee-jerk response to deny certain feelings, the overwhelm they bring, the desire to numb them out, drown them out, suppress them, shut them down, shut them up, turn to alcohol, loud music, mindless television in an effort to shhhhh, quieten, ignore these angry and hurt children that reside within and want nothing more than to be seen, heard and comforted. I am starting to sit quietly and listen. Awareness is everything and when we truly tune in, we begin to understand the damaging stories we tell ourselves when an uncomfortable emotion tears through the rolodex, pulling up filed beliefs which we have created to protect us from trauma. Quietly and without judgment I am becoming able to tell myself it's OK. It's OK to feel this way, to challenge my belief system and to let go of limiting ideas about what this emotion is teaching me. Choosing not to sink into those comfortable, subconscious grooves of association is where liberation lies. Instead, healing comes from quietly trusting, surrendering, allowing, listening, believing and loving the self unconditionally. Without doubt it is one of the most challenging life lessons I have invited. But change is coming fast; within and without. 

This form of healing is every bit as important as juicing, daily coffee enemas, healthy eating and exercise. I would go as far as to say that this is the real healing. Lately when I meditate I can actually feel my cells cleansing; my microbiome shifting; my energy field growing. It's exciting and a not a little scary - a new me, a transition, shedding old, redundant beliefs about who I am. 

We are here to experience not achieve. Let's immerse ourselves fully into the opportunity of life. 


Sunday 8 August 2021

Boundaries

Many speak of the cancer person's need to please others. Gabor Mate says these are "people who don't know how to say no, people who are rigid and compulsive, perfectionistic, expecting themselves to be perfect in everything, people who don't know how to express their experience of anger in a healthy way, people who compulsively and automatically take care of others and don't think of their own needs." This resonates for me. I believe that this inability to create healthy boundaries is a self protection mechanism and comes from a place of a lack of self worth and/or self love. Even Mate says that his response to a world in which he felt unwanted was to create for himself a role of being needed. 

Our behavioural patterns are entrenched in ways which we believe will keep us safe, loved and wanted. This can mean putting the needs of others first in an attempt to feel valued. For me it translates to a lack of boundaries, co-dependance and an inability to advocate for myself. I acknowledge that this had value at some point in my life but it is time to reassess these deep and comfortable grooves which no longer serve me. There is yet a new way of being. 

Luckily my kids are adept at boundaries - lord knows where they learned this skill, but I am grateful that they are prepared to teach me. I listen in awe as they thoughtfully and gently tell me 'no'. And I am amazed that although initially the surprise of it hurts, ultimately it increases my respect and admiration for them. It excites me.




Beyond my children, the sea is my teacher. Shortly after the breakdown of my marriage I started cold water swimming. Sea swimming in early May in the UK is a revelation. As someone who has previously rejected the pebbly shores of the East Sussex coastline, hankering instead for hot white sandy beaches of Australia, Thailand, Cuba, Mexico, hell, anywhere but here, sea swimming is teaching me lessons in presence, grounding and gratitude that I didn't know I needed. The sea holds me, shocks me, rocks me. I can have no expectations of her. She will be what she is and I will love her for it. At a time when I feel far from unconditionally loved, this is a gentle reminder that we can be whatever we are and still be loveable. Regardless of whether her tides are calm or wild she embraces me, defibrillating me back into my body like nothing else. With every swim she connects me to this planet in a way that reminds me that I am home. 

My first photos of the sea after I had begun this new habit of immersion reflected my confusion. They were stark, ugly, unromantic. But slowly, slowly they are revealing that I am falling in love. My lens has changed. I am fascinated by the pebbles and their geological secrets. I am learning the vocabulary of the sea, revelling in floating in the slack, the fret and the spume. The ocean is revealing her treasure along the strand line: sharks purses, hag stones and sea glass. I am learning about the brine loving plants that inhabit the shoreline and am doing regular beach cleans in gratitude. The sea is always there, but she is not always approachable. Sometimes her ferocity would hurt me. She reminds me of my boundaries - that I am responsible for keeping myself safe. And that is the purpose of healthy boundaries. They protect us. They allow us to go as far as we feel able to. And they are ours. No-one can impose them upon us. And they must be respected.

I feel stronger, leaner and healthier for this new habit, and it has surprising health benefits. Cold water therapy, as purported by the incredible 'Ice Man' Wim Hof, can improve circulation, stimulate the immune system, reduce chronic inflammation and even help to support metabolism through an increase in brown fat, which helps to regulate thyroid hormones. I am planning to gently wean off my thyroid supplements which are expensive and unethical.

A surprisingly beautiful side effect of cold water swimming has been finding a community of women. Women who rescue me figuratively and literally. Who listen and make me laugh. Who are equally held by the sea. I am healing and growing more resilient one swim at a time - learning about boundaries is a beautiful side effect.