Wednesday, 28 October 2015

The Shift

The reality of living with cancer, is that my feelings toward it are different from one day to the next. While it's true that I wouldn't change my life-giving diagnosis, it's also the case that some days are tough. In these moments there's a gnawing fear that something is growing, insidious and unseen, beyond my control but within my body. It manifests as a darkness and is overwhelming. This is when meditation comes into its own. Breathing brings me back to peace. There's a deep reassurance in reclaiming just an element of control whilst releasing all control! Of knowing that I'm doing my best, and that my best is good enough. Meditation has brought me an understanding that I'm here purely to experience, to play. We humans are powerful beings and whatever the outcome of disease, living in the moment is the key to absolute happiness. 

I've always believed that cancer could be shifted in a matter of hours, or even minutes, if the mindset, no, the whole environment, was right. I've sensed that I was tantalisingly close to that place, and yet I held on to cancer, enjoying the ride, loving how much I was learning from it. 

And now something beautiful is happening. After almost 6 years of living with a degree of fear and uncertainty, something is changing. I am well. I feel well. I have no symptoms of cancer, and despite my incessant detective work, peering into the microscopic realms of my body, I find that the more I know, the less I really know. I'm starting to trust in something greater. 

Faith. What a companion. It makes everything so much simpler because with faith comes a heightened sense of guidance and intuition. I feel tuned in to a bigger voice, my inner voice. Cancer has brought me here and I am grateful.

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