A good friend sparked this new mindset in me. I told her that I was struggling to visualise myself cancer free when I'd just paid someone a lot of money to tell me exactly how much there is in my body! She suggested that I accept the cancer is there, and listen to it.
I took that nugget with me on a run, and what came up was surprising. I've never 'owned' my cancer cells, but maybe it's time to. They're here to teach me something, that much is certain. They are also a part of me, a microscopic version of me. These cells want to be acknowledged, listened to and loved. Negating them, hating them, fighting them just creates more conflict. Conflict is not conducive to healing. What we resist persists.
The message was profound, but so simple:
"I acknowledge cancer as I wish to be acknowledged.
I listen to cancer as I wish to be listened to.
I love cancer as I wish to be loved."
And so I've meditated, visualised, created new affirmations, and I've come away with Acceptance. It feels so good.
I may or may not keep cancer in check. The reality is that I am not in control. I can eat well to FEEL well. I can run and practice yoga for my health, not to fight cancer. It finally occurs to me that the Universe may have plans for me other than my own! I may desire a sunny day. I can meditate on it, wish for it and long for it, but the only truth is that if I joyfully accept the day for whatever it brings, I'll be happy in the moments. I think I may finally be learning to let go, surrender and trust.