With cancer came the full and final understanding that at some point I will die. That's a sobering lesson to learn. It has certainly pulled my focus. There's no more luxuriating in the ignorance of blissful belief that I'm immortal!
It seems that there are two distinct periods of my life. Before Cancer, and After Cancer. BC I was carefree and careless, fear-driven and disconnected. AC I am contented and present, motivated by love and constantly learning. But it can be lonely here. It takes a lot of effort to maintain health this way, and it's relentless. There's no ready-made network to tap into for support. There are no pink crowds running for me. However, it's important to understand that in everything we have choices. This is my choice, and one that I would make again and again. When I'm on top of it all: cooking each meal from scratch, juicing, meditating, supplementing and exercising, I feel amazing and invincible. But I'm not superwoman, and of course there are times when I feel overwhelmed, and tired, when carrying this load feels like a heavy burden.
I can never go back to life BC, and I wouldn't choose to. I've learned far too much over the past 3 years to want to go back to being unconscious. In this new life there is more breathing, more laughing, more loving, more feeling. I am living with cancer, not dying of it, and I intend to carry on this way for many many years to come.